thistledown


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2003-05-25 - 12:01 a.m.

We completed all the framing, and three sections of the fence today! And it looks great! Yea us! Building a fence is a lot of work, but also incredibly satisfying, because unlike most "women's work" you have something enduring to show for your efforts at the end of the day. ( Ever notice that men's work is the stuff that is done once and endures and women's work is the mundane stuff that has to be done over and over? Men build the barns, women fix the lunch. Men sire the kids, women feed them. Men make the deals, women make the arrangements. etc. etc.) But even though I am excited and proud of our progress, I have to tell you: It is not brain surgery. There is nothing about measuring and cutting wood, operating a saw, driving screws.... that requires superior brain or brawn power. Which is why I can't understand why men are so territorial about the whole construction thing and the hardware store in particular.

Every time I go to Home Depot to buy wood or building materials, I get some kind of shit from some guy.The people who work there are unhelpful-- what could a woman be doing in the lumber section? other than looking for her husband? -- but the worst is from other customers: men whose ego can't stand it that any woman, even one they don't know, who isn't bothering them, is DARING to invade the male domain. Sometimes the harrassment is just subtle: a sneer or a snort, elbowing in front of me, blocking my way so I have to maneuver a loaded cart around them. Other times it is outright aggression. Two men came swaggering up to me, all mad, looking like they were going to beat me up, claiming I stole their cart. I had picked up an empty cart, unattended in the middle of an aisle (which is where they keep the carts at HD). There were plenty of carts around, but god forbid, the only woman in the lumber section had accidentally laid hands on THEIR cart, and they were going to get it back.

And then there are all the advice givers-- the men who stop by while you are sifting through a pile of crappy lumber looking for some straight boards, and make comments. Apparently they think it's funny to give bad advice, assuming we don't know what we're doing.

Again today, some man stopped by and said "You don't have to worry about those boards being warped. They will flatten out by themselves after a while." What a crock of shit! Anybody who works with wood knows that warped boards do not just magically flatten out. I am offended that these asshole men think we wouldn't know any better. And absolutely furious that they think it is so humorous to deliberately mislead somebody. I can't count all the times I have been picking out materials and some man has come up and questioned me about what I was doing, as though he had to approve the whole thing, and tried to "set me straight" about what I "should" be doing. I am tired of being nice, diplomatically fielding all the stupid commentary from some stranger. I want to say "It is none of your fucking business. I can buy wood without your approval if I want to."

I have also gone to the kind of lumber yard where you have to ask for what you want. ("Give me two eight foot 1 by 12's.") And invariably they bring out some rough, warped, knotted boards that nobody in their right mind would buy. And refuse to get you anything better, until you start to walk out the door ("I guess I could look again".... all irritated). Because they think they can palm off all the crap that no man would buy on a woman.

I DO know better. I have done more woodworking than most guys, and I've worked in a hardware store and worked on a farm. I can walk into a hardware store with confidence and know that some arrogant, condescending male clerk can't ask me a question I won't be able to answer. But I hate it that I have to assume a mantle of defensiveness just to go into Home Depot. I hate it that men are trying to trick me into making a mistake and every interaction is a test to see if I really know what I am talking about. Especially when a man who didn't know something could ask for information, and get it, without a sneer.

It still makes me angry for all the other women that they manage to intimidate, to discourage from doing the simple things for themselves that we should all do if we want to. When my brother's girlfriend admitted that she was terrified of Home Depot, I didn't blame her. That is what women are supposed to feel.

No man I have ever known (and I am talking about men I love and respect, who want to understand me) has ever really believed what happens to a woman who is by herself in the male domain of the hardware store. I have completely different experiences when I am with my son, for example. He commands respect, and all I have to do is follow along beside him and all is well. But when I go out alone, any man feels able to impose or aggress. When Piper and I go together we fend off some, but not all of the aggression. Basically I find that, even after all this time and all that women have achieved in the world, being alone still marks a woman as a target. I have been yelled at and threatened by men.... but always when I was alone and there were no witnesses. As much as I wish this were not true, I feel that the much ballyhooed war between the sexes is played out every day in this way. Not in relationships, but in the everyday interactions where there is so much unprovoked general hatred and aggression against women. But I refuse to be intimidated. We can't let them have access to our lives in a way that will limit us... we can't let them win. We will be back tomorrow with our tough faces on. Picking out the straight wood and ignoring the warped comments.

previous - next

< ? Random Acts of Journaling # >

alchera ? !

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!