2003-04-12 - 10:46 p.m.
The house seems so big when I'm here alone. We always complain about how small it is, for the two of us and our thousands of books, but when Piper is gone, even though there is just as much stuff to trip over, I still feel tiny and unsettled. I'm not afraid, and it's not like I can't self-entertain, but I just feel incomplete.
Piper caught a plane to Arizona on Friday morning and she will be back on Sunday, so it isn't a long separation. But some of my anxiety is hope that this trip will go well for her, and not be too difficult. She is visiting her father and his family whom she hasn't seen in years, and her relationship with them has always been strained. I think it is amazingly big of her to take on the responsibility for familial harmony when nobody from the older generations seem to be able to do it. Perhaps they will at least be on their good behavior since she is going to all the trouble to fly out there. But that is her story, and I will not tell it, except to say that I admire her equanimity.
So today was a bright and sunny spring day, and I woke up with a lot of energy and a desire to get a lot done. That was my first mistake.
This is one of those day when I lost ground. When I actually backslid in the trek toward progress, got swept back downstream in the river of life. This was not my day.
First, I thought I would finish my sewing project. I was working on a simple pair of chambray drawstring pants, nearly finished. My ego was recovering from yesterday's blunder of topstitching (and beautifully, I might add) one of the cargo pockets carefully to thewrong side of the leg. So I was stitching along, and the machine makes a mighty CLUNK and stops in its tracks. I had hit a pin and broken the machine needle. That's annoying, but it happens. I put a new needle in and started where I left off, but after three stitches, the machine makes a grinding noise and and locks up. That was a noise I got well acquainted with over the next two hours, as I took the sewing machine apart, cleaned and adjusted everything I could think of, and repeatedly tried to make it stitch. No such luck. The sewing machine is broken. And this is just a week after I told the nice man at Sears that I did not want to renew my service contract on it. I tried calling the service center to find out what I could do, but they don't seem to be answering their phones....
Putting the sewing machine fiasco behind me, and moving on to salvage my day..... I decided to wash the lovely little top I made last week, the one I spent hours hand emroidering, the one I have never worn because I had to wash out the transfer ink first. After carefully washing it in cold water I hung it out to dry, and yes the transfer ink came out beautifully, but.... it looked a little bit.... smaller. I slipped it on.... well, "slipped" isn't exactly the word I should use.... maybe "squeezed" would be better. My lovely little top has shrunken to a fraction of its former size. I don't even know anybody that small. I'm so sad.
After that I decided to move outdoors for a while. It is a beautiful, sunny day.... I should be working in the yard. After doing some odds and ends of cleanup, I got the great idea to go to the garden center and buy some flowers. Maybe I could have the front area looking really nice when Piper got home. When I got there, I noticed a crowd of people standing really close together, as though they were watching something. Hmmm....I wonder what is going on? Then I realized that all of these people were part of a LINE leading to the single cashier. People waiting with carts the size of small boxcars loaded with plants and mulch and rocks. People in wheel chairs. People with screaming kids. There was no way to even get close enough to anything to look at it. Every time I moved, someone was there saying "excuse me." Even if I had found something to buy there it would have been dark by the time I got home with it. Exit, stage left.
Back home, taking up my shovel again, I noticed some evidence of termites on the wood of the fence, and ran to get the termite killer stuff. I hate termites and I was so involved in my plan for setting out the spikes full of termite bait, that I totally forgot about..... the gate. Suddenly I looked up at the open gate and remembered that I had let the dog out the back door. And come to think of it, I hadn't seen him for a while. I did a quick look around the yard. No dog. I set off running down the street.
Oh god, don't let me lose the dog.
I could not imagine telling Piper when she got home that the dog was gone. Because this is the one area where we occasionally have "moments of disharmony." She loves the dog. I do not love the dog. I have done the best I could to cope with the fact that it was a disappointment to me as a pet. I don't mean it any harm of course, but I do regret ever getting it. I could NOT lose the dog while she is out of town. She would probably never forgive me for that.
I ran in the direction we usually take him on walks, thinking he might just set out on his own. When I got a couple of blocks from home, suddenly I remembered that I had walked away from the house leaving both doors unlocked and standing wide open. Not a good idea. So I ran back home to lock up and launch a full blown search.... thinking already of calling the shelters, making fliers....
But luckily before I did all of that, I went into the back yard and called him. And just as I turned to go inside, he came running around the house. He must have been somewhere I couldn't see him the first time I looked. Usually he is so eager to go outside the gate, he makes a beeline for it. For once, I was overjoyed to see him. Good Boy! You get a biscuit. Come back in the house and lie on the couch.
So not much accomplished today. What shall I do tonight?... nothing too challenging, given my track record for the day. I decided to color my hair. That's a nice girly thing to do on a solitary Saturday night, and I have this new 100% natural henna haircolor that I bought at the health food store to try out.
This stuff is a powder that mixes with hot water and becomes warm, vile smelling glop. It is natural, so it isn't vile smelling in the chemical way, but I'm reminded that natural things can be unpleasant, too. The stuff reminds me of nothing so much as a fresh cow plop. (The technical term...notice how that rural background comes in handy.) But, I was already into it, so I began to spoon this stuff onto my head. The things we do to ourselves... When the whole bowl of it was mashed into my hair I twisted a plastic bag around my head and secured it with masking tape. I knew at this time that I was providing an almost irresistable temptation to fate to send someone to the door. But fortunately, this did not occur. No need to encourage the neighbors to think I am odd.
After some time, I tried to rinse it out. And tried. And tried. After standing over the sink so long my back was hurting, my hair still felt gritty, and kind of....solid. Finally I tried to comb it out, and discovered that it had become an uncombable tangled mass, cemented together with the remains of the glop. So it was either wash and condition my hair or start in on the dreadlocks. I opted for the wash, even though the instructions to wait for twenty-four hours. The shower water was looking pretty brown and I think most of my new color went down the drain. So I guess that experience was just for.... the fun of it.
Not much of today left. I just drank a cold beer and ordered a bunch of stuff from Amazon.com. Now there are some things I can do really well.
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