2003-02-19 - 11:05 p.m.
I awoke in the middle of the night and realized that in my subconscious mind or dream I was composing a functional job description for my LIFE. I have been writing them for everyone in the office, and it is beginning to affect my thinking. It is a strange task to sit and spin words all day, trying to craft just the right statement to describe somebody's level of accountability. I'm beginning to feel like everything should be wrapped up neatly and qualified in some way....
I. Life Maintenance Activities 20% of Time
A. Procure groceries on a regular basis and prepare meals, assuring for speed and flavorfulness, while maintaining an ongoing friendly relationship with Boston Market and Papa Johns.
B. Clean and/or reorder parts of the home domicile, assuring for standards of orderliness and sanitation.
C. Collect, sort, launder, fold and put away clothing on a weekly basis, assuring for proper stain removal and drying method.
D. Maintain motor vehicle in a manner consistent with longevity, supplying it with gasoline, oil, tires, etc. as needed and monitoring windshield for deposits of bird shit, at which time vehicle will be driven through robo-wash in a timely manner.
II. Homeowner Related Activities 10% of Time
A. Observe, discuss and analyze the various properties, qualities and functions of the house, and speculate on possible improvements.
B. Cultivate and nurture flowers, bushes, grass and trees surrounding house, and replace flowers, bushes, grass and trees when death occurs.
........Well, you get the idea. I am actually scared to finish this. What if the job description for my life is above my capabilities? What if I am the example of the Peter Principle, and have finally arrived at the level of my incompetence? I have begun to see that the real challenge in life is not how well you can do something, but how well you can do ten things at once....
Today I was only able to finish one of the seven job descriptions I still had to complete because we had visitors from Holland. Suddenly this morning the boss e-mails everybody and says to clean up the office because we were meeting with some big wigs from a Dutch university who were doing research on student services. So everyone runs around with paper towels and spray cleaner and trash bags and we whip the office into shape. Then we have to wait until we are summoned to meet them. My boss gave a little speech in which he told them that he visited Holland during WWII and took a lot of pictures of windmills. They laughed politely. I was afraid somebody was going to ask if that little boy still had his finger in the hole in the dike, and where were their wooden shoes. Midwesterners can be so....provincial. And after all that (though probably not because of it) they barely stayed long enough to look around, much less find out anything about us. Which is fine, because I was privately having a laugh about anyone coming all the way from Holland to study us, here at Disfunctional University.
I just wanted to say, "You are so much cooler than we are as it is. Don't try to be like us." But, curiously, my opinion was not requested.
All of this came about on the day when we were embroiled in another issue. An issue that I won't describe, but involving a verbal attack, a lot of tersely worded e-mails, and some people from pretty high up on the food chain getting mad. This whole situation has made me think about how incredibly petty and mean-spirited most people are. I am disappointed in people over and over. And in the environment in which I work, I can't help but wonder: If you have all of these things--job security, advanced education, money, power, status, influence.... why would you use your powers for evil? I cannot understand why so many people who could do so much good-- at no loss to themselves-- seem only to be able to attack, and try to cripple others. It is much easier for me to understand why a kid growing up poor and abused, living in the projects, would steal a car or mug somebody.
It has been a day in which I felt close to tears twice, which was weird for me because I am not a crier when it comes to non-personal stuff. The second time was when I read the news story about Bush's decision to ignore the anti-war protests and all of public opinion and press on for war, as if he knew what was good for us and nobody else did. As if we, millions of people in this country, were just a bunch of toddlers demanding more candy instead of a nap, and somebody had to put their big, righteous foot down for our own good. Depressing, and frightening.
So, yesterday I went to the dentist. This was a new dentist who actually spent a little time looking at my teeth. The old one moved away, and although I liked him just fine, I now realize that we talked about the weather or baseball or his new roof, and not so much about my teeth. So the new dentist found a little cavity, the first one in many years, and filled it so expertly that it didn't hurt at all. And he told me I was going to have to stop gritting my teeth. He's right, I'm sure, but what a time.... to stop gritting your teeth.
�
