2003-02-07 - 4:39 p.m.
I have a lot ot do, but I feel absolutely incapable of focusing my attention. I am sitting here feeling more like a Mexican jumping bean than a person who is supposed to be getting work done.... on the last hour of Friday afternoon.
First things first: I survived. Public speaking. I didn't do anything stupid. I probably said too many UM's and UH's. And I don't remember if I was holding the paper steady or not. But I didn't embarrass myself. I don't think I convinced anybody I was a basket case if they didn't think so already.
Several people told me I did a good job, actually. My boss, his boss, the new guy. Sometimes I feel a little patronized by those kinds of comments, because I notice that people who are really good at public speaking don't get the comments. So they don't expect much from little me who always takes the back seat, and they are pleasently surprised when I prove to be adequate. But still.... compliments are a good thing, and hopefully my boss still feels the good vibes when evaluation time rolls around in a couple of months.
The problem with getting all hyper nervous is that it doesn't just go away as soon as the scary thing is over. I guess the body pumps all this adrenelin into your system and then you are left in fight-or-flight mode for the day.
One thing that always happens to me in any kind of serious business meeting is: my stomach growls. Even though it rarely growls on any other day, even though I ate a good breakfast, and limited my coffee and got some water to sip on..... I was sitting in this meeting with all these important people, with my stomach going ROUW ROUW ROUW. My boss, seated to my right, seemed oblivious-- one of the many times I am glad he needs hearing aids. But the woman sitting to my left scooted over a little bit, as if hoping nobody would think she was the culprit. All I can do is put a nonchalant look on my face and hope it isn't as loud as it feels.
Basically, I have been a bundle of nervous energy all day. But tonight, maybe we will have a little celebration. It is a rare, free Friday night... and I have survived to fight or flee another day.
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