2002-12-10 - 10:29 p.m.
Sigh. I think I am in a bit of a pre-holiday funk.
For some reason, this year everything associated with the holidays seems especially meaningless/silly/commercial/frantic.
Beginning with my always bizarre work environment, where our intrepid self-appointed interior decorator has now hung skimpy pieces of tinsel over every doorway so that the ends drape down like the tails of dozens of metallic squirrels. And spent I�m-afraid-to-ask-how-much of our collected donations on a stuffed christmas tree with arms and legs that goes into strange vibrating spasms whenever it is touched. The bell inside it lets us all know how many, many times a day that happens. Whenever I hear it, it kind of reminds me of Meg Ryan faking orgasm in When Harry Met Sally. We still have the choir music playing, except now it is oddly mixed with the sounds of a schmaltzy pop christmas duets CD that my usually-quiet cubicle neighbor has acquired. Ok, so not to complain. It isn�t as bad as a mall. I have worked in retail during the christmas season, and that is the very worst. I have to remind myself from time to time.
So now we are planning our yearly merchandise exchange known as the Secret Santa drawing. I always try to get the person I draw what they asked for, even if it is �gasp�a little over the ten dollar limit. And usually I get something that I didn�t even know existed�.some strange recycled item, or something from the EVERYTHINGS $1 store. Skootie told me that the trick to being appreciative of weird gifts without being insincere was to start with the thank-yous before you even see what it is. I�m going to try that this year. Most people ask for gift certificates, and I always envision the day when we all just exchange envelopes containing ten-dollar gift certificates.
Ok, I�m used to all that�. but whose name did I get this year? Of all the people in the office I like and would like to give a gift to�. I get Lenny. The annoying guy who talks in cliches and always wants to take me out. The guy to whom I have had to be semi-rude in order to get him to leave me alone. Luckily he has been moved into the file room so I don�t have to walk right past every day. Lenny wants posters�. He has decorated the file room with numerous pictures of eagles soaring over mountains, so I doubt we would have any convergence of taste on the posters. And music�. I don�t even want to know. And nuts. Yes, he asked for nuts. What a perfect gift. Nuts it is.
There is more. I gave in to office peer pressure and chose to buy a present for one of the Salvation Army �angels.� This is a program where they give you a child�s name and age and �wish� and then you buy the gift. I always try to do some form of charitable giving at the holidays, but I guess I have a bit of a problem with all these organizations showering toys on kids who don�t have warm coats, safe places to live, or food to eat. A big christmas is no substitute for a decent life. But most people are sentimental, and they do the things that make themselves feel good around the holidays. A lot of people at work who make a lot less than I do were volunteering for this project, and, well, sometimes perfectly valid philosophical objections can just look like an excuse for being stingy. Oh, what the heck�. I don�t get to buy toys for anybody any more, since even the youngest kids in our family are past the toy stage. So here I am, signing up to buy a gift for a two-year-old girl named Hannah. And Hannah has asked for, according to the little card I received, something called Dancing Dora.
Two-year-olds, I recall from having had one a few decades ago, can string a few words together, identify basic objects. I could understand if a two-year-old wanted a doll. But requesting specifically named and marketed merchandise? I had a terrible vision of some poor, hungry baby sitting around in a cold house babbling �Dancing Do-wa, Dancing Do-wa.�
But since I signed up, I decided I had better get started trying to locate Dancing Dora. First I went to Target, and had no luck there although I saw an empty shelf and a price label where Dora must have been at one time. So I decided to brave the very scary Plawza and try to get one at FAO Schwartz. After nearly being trapped in a full parking garage for the rest of my natural life, I ended up landing the car about half the way home and walking back down the hill.
[Here�s what makes it scary: we have something here (laughably) called �courtesy driving.� Pedestrians are supposed to have the right of way, and there are NO TRAFFIC SIGNALS or signs on many of the intersections. And yet most drivers are just as rude and obnoxious as they are anywhere else in the world. And, from the other perspective, I know from living here that it can be terribly frustrating to drive, waiting for wave after wave of pedestrians to walk in front of you and never having a clear chance to pull out. The tension in the air between pedestrians and drivers is palpable. So, even though I am careful to the point of being paranoid, I was still nearly run down right in the crosswalk by some idiot desperate to turn right on red. And, yes, I raised my gloved middle finger and carefully mouthed the accompanying phrase so he would be able to tell what I was saying from inside the car. Oh, the Christmas spirit.]
But carrying on, what is a little risk to life and limbwhen you are on a quest? FAO Schwartz had a whole Dora section. There was sitting Dora and standing Dora, and collectible Dora and miniature Dora and the Dora coloring and story books�.. but no Dancing Dora. I even asked at the desk and the bored young man called his female coworker over and posed the question to her. �Oh, is she the one that kinda goes like this�?� and she put her hands out to her sides and did a little shimmy in place.
�Probably.� I said. �I�ve never actually met her.�
�I think we have one more.� She said, and dashed off to the back.
But she returned empty handed. �It looks like we are sold out. We�ll get some more next week.�
But next week is too late. I have to have Dancing Dora by Friday.
I�m getting a bit of a bit of a bad feeling about this�.just remembering Tickle Me Elmo and Teddy Ruckspin and Cabbage Patch Kids. Every year there is some toy that is so hot before Christmas that people will pay anything for it.
Let�s just hope it�s not Dancing Dora.
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