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2002-09-26 - 11:26 p.m.

It's time for a report from the Phoniness Patrol.

1. Spotted on the streets of State City: A flashy-looking blond driving a sporty Jeep with a bumper sticker that said DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT......holding up a long line of traffic while she timidly waits for every freaking car in sight from blocks away to go by before she makes a left turn. Proof that you can buy a self-image in the Lifestyle Paraphenalia shop, but it looks pretty stupid when it doesn't fit.

2. In the new issue of "Cooking Light": Not one but TWO advertisements designed to appeal to the exact opposite of the magazine's mission.

In an ad for the Dodge Durango, the large print reads "IT'S A BIG FAT JUICY CHEESEBURGER IN A LAND OF TOFU." Yes, it is big.... and as bad for the environment as big fat juicy cheeseburgers are for your arteries. Are they trying to sell their cars by appealing to people's gluttony, by appealing to their desire to give in to a wasteful and unhealthy impulse? In this very magazine that publishes tofu recipes and attempts to appeal to the health conscious?

And then there is an ad for a mountain ski resort in Colorado that boasts: A BIG GLAZED DONUT IN A FAT FREE WORLD. What in the world does a big glazed donut have to do with a ski resort? Except maybe to exploit the connection between fattening food and expensive indulgence, absolutely nothing.

So, even though the social expectation is that we eschew all the junk food and stay thin, we are also supposed to acknowledge that it is the only thing we really WANT, and it is what we would HAVE if we knew how to have fun and we weren't whiney tofu-eating wimps. And they actually believe they can convince us to buy big cheeseburger cars and go on glazed donut vacations because we all secretly crave that junk, and the devil-may-care attitude that goes with it.

The culture of commercialism is selling us identities, and we are buying. They are trying to make us think we are making "individual" choices when actually we are being manipulated into choosing things that are bad for us.

OK.... I'm off my soap box for the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow: The Campout begins! I have most of our camping gear at least located, and most of the food purchased. I have the new tent, still in the box. [And I even went to the snooty outdoor outfitters store to buy some seam sealer for the tent....at least I knew I needed to seal the seams. When I walked in, the young guy who looked like he just came down off a mountain for his shift behind the cash register, asked me if he could help me. I said, "Yes, I need some of that liquid stuff you use to seal the seams of a new tent." And, in a voice dripping with sarcasm, he said "There is no liquid. This....(he goes to a display and picks up a small tube) is the only thing that has been recommended. It's a gel not a liquid." Oh, excuse me, how could I have possibly made such a crucial error. I try to recover: "Well, it has been a long time since I bought any. I think it used to be a liquid." This does not work. Of course it has been a long time.... we probably used liquid when we sealed those wooly mammoth skin tents. He just looks at me with a mixture of pity and contempt, perfectly assured that I am not a *real* outdoor type and therefore not worthy of respect. I bought it anyway. I should have probably just left, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to get it without spending half a day.]

So, I am almost ready to spend some time with my family and sleep (or not sleep) outside for a couple of nights. A camping trip is so much work, but once you get there you have nothing to do but relax, and I'm looking forward to that. We have been so busy lately, and I just want to hang out and look around and think and sketch and be with the people I love. I want to fly my great big kite. And toast marshmallows. Lots of marshmallows.

(I won't update again until Sunday night.....)

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