2002-08-29 - 8:33 p.m.
One of my favorite coworkers is leaving Kryptonite University for a job in the business world. And not just a straight-laced business-y job, but an interesting job in a fun, young company where everybody wears jeans and they have beer in the fridge on Friday afternoons. She has been at Kryptonite almost exactly as long as I have: eighteen years. And she confided that although she had risen in the ranks to a position of importance, and loves the people and has lots of job security.....she is bored to death with the job and every possibility it offers. So she is doing it-- taking the big plunge--making the break.
It has me thinking again, about how I spend my days, as I sit at my desk, as usual struggling to keep on task, struggling to concentrate. Because my job is just a constant replay of the same old tasks, just rewarmed every semester, and recast with new people. But the same, always the same.
When I started working there, I assumed it would be only temporary. I had no particular interest in higher ed bureaucracy. It wasn't like this was a planned career. But I got seduced by the security, and all the ease of working for an institution. There are lots of days off, and good benefits, and no weekends or evenings or travel. I have worked for the same boss for all these years, and he is a kind and quiet gentleman who would never dream of mistreating anyone in his employ. All of these things are benefits. These are things that make it possible for me to go to work and come home and have plenty of energy left over for my "real" life. But of course, as with any full time job, there isn't plenty of TIME left over at the end of the day, no matter how much energy you have. And so I look at so many days of my life, spent doing something that didn't interest or inspire me or improve the world. And I wonder if I could do better.
One small problem is that although I can do lots of things well, none of them are things that anyone would want to pay me for. In short, I have no job skills, except those specific to this job. So I would be starting over at the bottom somewhere else, with fewer perks, and probably doing something else that I didn't really care about. Just a different thing.
So I talk myself out of it every time. I tell myself that the real fruition of my life comes from what I do on my own time....through my writing and art. And I struggle to make the most of my limited free time. Feel so much pressure, in fact, to make every minute count when I am wasting my days on something that doesn't inspire me.
I just need a cure for burnout. Like about three years off. Maybe the three day weekend will help...at least that is coming soon!
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