2002-07-22 - 9:51 p.m.
I just spent part of my work day afternoon reading a book. Not just any book, but a book selected by the Upper Management, intended to improve morale here at Kryptonite University. And in order to see how funny this is as a concept, you have to take a brief glance at K.U. corporate culture.
Our budget was suddenly slashed at the state level. Not only were there no raises, but all spending for any purpose was stopped. No more office supplies, no more travel reimbursements, no more food at lunch meetings, no fixing things that break down, no hiring (Not even to replace a crucial person who quits. Lots of people, including me, are trying to cover more than one job.) They threatened to cut salaries or make people take time off without pay, but so far have averted that measure.(And I wonder if that threat was made just so we would feel "lucky" to have merely been denied a raise.) The state believes there is a lot of "fat" in the university budget, and it may be right. But the "fat" is in the big salaries of the multiple layers of Upper Management, the people whose budgets and salaries will NEVER be cut because they control the purse strings. They keep coming up with more ways that the underlings will have to tighten their belts. Stupid, stingy little ways.
For example: they give out an award every month to someone who has provided outstanding customer service, based on nominations from coworkers. The award used to be a piece of paper, a hand shake from available Big Shot, and a twenty dollar gift certificate to the book store. But since the budget crunch, they have decided that the piece of paper and the handshake would be enough.-- Congratulations. Here's a little bit of nothing for all you've done.
So you can imagine what a den of cheer this work place this is.
But since this is a University, and therefore somewhat more touchy-feely than big business, it is not enough to subject the underlings to draconian deprivations. They must also learn to LIKE it. So one of the things that Upper Management does is get together and think of ways to improve morale. Never mind that morale would improve automatically if salaries and working conditions were improved. No, one of the things Kryptonite is famous for (this could be their unofficial motto, perhaps printed on the bottom of the coffee cups): Image before Substance. (Example: after spending a lot of time polling focus groups on ways to improve the university, they rejected suggestions like "improve the library" in favor of "have someone dressed up in a kangaroo costume attend university functions")
Their quest for morale builders usually leads them to one of the fifth-grade-reading-level business fad o' the moment books. Yes, these are the people who make four times as much money as I do.
This trend began a couple of years ago when one of the Big Shots became enamored with a book called "Who Moved My Cheese." We had a major divisional meeting to experience the whole cheese philosophy, which included partnering with a stranger to discuss your own personal work issues in terms of cheese, and refreshments of.... you guessed it. They even gave us each a little rubber cheese as a memento (naturally this was before the budget cuts-- there would be no rubber cheeses now).
Then last year they jumped on the "Gung-Ho" bandwagon, and I can't exactly recall what the point of Gung-ho (the book) was supposed to be because I managed to avoid reading it. But I remember that our department was awarded a stuffed duck, which had some symbolic significance. We have it proudly displayed on our front desk to this very day.
So this year, the book is "Fish." And I read it. And never mind that it is poorly written. And I can't stand books that tell a story just as a flimsy excuse for the characters to pontificate to one another...("I'm glad you asked that question, Mary Ann....) Or that the premise is quite a stretch: lessons in workplace satisfaction from a fishmarket that has fun throwing fish around. The point is: you choose your own attitude. And basically I know that is true. I have practiced that in my life. But some part of me resents being handed this message by Upper Mangement, when they have taken away so much and made life so difficult. And now if we are to be good employees, we must internalize this message: if we don't like it, it's all because WE have a BAD ATTITUDE.
Actually I do pretty well with attitude management. I read the book. I'm all ready for the big meeting. I just wish they would at least give us a little rubber fish.
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