2002-07-12 - 6:05 p.m.
Some things I've learned about the Ozarks:
People still fly the Confererate flag. The U.S. flag is still the most popular for mailbox and license plate and mud flap decor.
Apparently there was a give away or a big sale on plastic yard signs inscribed with the ten commandments.
The most popular lawn decor seems to be large wooden permanent-looking signs advertising local political candidates. However, old cars are not unacceptable as lawn decor.
The ranch house in the favored architectural style.
A "scenic view" is someplace where you can see a long ways in the distance. Even if there is nothing in between.
Nothing is too ridiculous to be printed on a tee shirt. And conversely, no item of merchandise is too insignificant to have a saying printed on it.
There is a significant population whose livelihood is: permanent yard sale.
Churches are expected to post some sort of pun on their signs. Example: God answers knee mail.
If you live in a trailer, you can increase your living space by buying another trailer and linking them with a little pass thru. If the in-laws move in, just add a third.
This is the only place I've seen candles shaped like a slice of bread and inscribed with the words "On a scale of 1 to 10, you're the best."
It is completely unnerving to meet enormous trucks on narrow curvy mountain roads.... and then after a while you get used to it.
One business that must be thriving here: the company that makes the signs with a metal frame, moveable plastic letters and a flashing arrow on top. They are everywhere.
If you work in a drugstore in a small town, it is apparently frightening to have someone YOU DON'T KNOW come in and buy a toothbrush.
Uses you probably never thought of for old gas stations: grocery store, ice cream shop, U.S. post office, restaurant, church.
Uses you probably never thought of for old churches:antique/gift shop, residence, post office.
Uses you probably never thought of for old trailers: hay barn, beauty shop, church, gas station.
The small town salesperson's code of conduct: Never interrupt a good conversation with someone you know just to take money from someone you don't know.
Business names run either to the minimum or the maximum. Example: there is a business called simply "Lubrication," and then there is the "Highway 72 Tire and Convenience Store Cafe."
A town of 138 people is represented by the same size dot on the map as a town of 1,863. In human terms, that's the difference between eating at a restaurant and eating from the cold case at a gas station.
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